It was a dark evening in early April, now many moons ago. I was enjoying the deep, nurturing silence of existence from the privacy of my hilltop digs in Ashland when I decided to boost my blood sugar a little to make sure I didn't doze off before going astral.
In order not to disturb my electromagnetic field, I did not turn on the lights but found my way to the kitchen in the dark. My hands patted their way across the counter top, over the stove, up along the wall to the cupboard where my fingers landed with an identifying cellophane crunch.
Turkish apricots. Mmm. I knew them by their sound. I grabbed the package and returned to my bedroom where I sank deeply into my comforter, plopping an apricot into my mouth.
Hm. The first bite had a very unique flavor to say the least. It was NOT delicious. I imagined it was one of those older-looking brown ones, but since it was dark I couldn't be sure.
The next apricot tasted odd too. What WAS this peculiar taste? It wasn't sulphur, but it was tingly and, well -- ugh -- it doesn't matter anyway. That's all mental stuff, let's just relax and eat the apricots!
So after a few minutes of steady munching I start feeling these weird little tickles. Wow, I must be going astral, I mused. But! Vibrations while eating?? Pretty bizarre to start going astral while -- EEEW!! My thoughts were interrupted by a truly horrific taste building in the back of my mouth.
I fumbled along the top of my night stand for a lighter and flicked open the flame.
Ants. They were everywhere. Swarming the bag. Milling madly about. Seasoning my apricots. And I had been eating them. Lots of them.
WTF, right? What did it meeeeeean???
I threw the package as a reflex and started scraping my tongue with my fingernails. I tried to laugh it off, but I found that over the ensuing days, my mind kept coming back around to the fact that I had eaten the ants, and this, in turn, led to me thinking about the way I used to murder hundreds of insects as a 4-H entomology student many years ago.
What kind of person was I anyway?
After a bit of contemplation, I knew the time had come to turn over a new leaf and put it out there to the universe that I was embracing a mindset of non-violence. I decided to make it up to the ant community by building a hotel for them out of empty cat food cans on my kitchen window sill.
For weeks after that I could hear a delicate metallic hum at night from the ants cleaning off the remnants of the cat food. I figured my karma was clear.
Not long after that incident, however, something significant happened in my ongoing exploration of consciousness. I was cleaning my bedroom on a bright sunny afternoon, listening to music, totally engrossed in my thoughts when I heard a voice calling for help. I figured it was just some kids playing outside and I ignored it at first, but a few minutes later I heard the call again.
It was very clear, plain as day: "help!"
I looked outside and didn't see anyone so I turned off the music and listened intently.
"Over here," came the voice. "Please help."
I followed the sound to a window.
"Down here!"
I looked down and there on the window sill was a very large, very beautiful, very injured black ant.
I swear to God.
Part of its abdomen was squished like a broken raisin and he was stuck to the sill with the sun beating down on him.
"Please put me out of my misery," he begged. There was an unmistakable sense of pleading in his request, and my emotional body responded and tears began to fall.
"Oh no," I cried, choking on my own voice. "Don't make me do that!"
"Please, have compassion," the ant continued, as I realized there was nothing I could do to save him. "Just put me out of my misery."
My sobs came harder now. I was fully aware of the shamanic nature of the experience as it was happening and I struggled against my own tears as the gentle child in me resisted the transformation. Back and forth I paced, bawling, and the ant fell silent. Back and forth. Back and forth.
And that is when the switch happened. When SHE stepped in.
One second I was sensitive and crying, the next second I marched right up to the window and squished that ant right there on the sill. Dead. Done. That was easy. In an instant I ushered that little soul right over to the other side. Booya! Now he can come back as a higher being.
And for the first time in my life, I experienced my personalities switching as a conscious observer. This marked the beginning of my penetration into the mysteries of the human personality and its shifting hierarchical structure, as well as illustrating how I am home to more than one significant voice.
I have since spent years observing and experiencing the dynamic mechanism of my personality matrix. I understand that each discernible personality exists on its own frequency (some in relatively close proximity within a shared bandwidth), and that by modulating my thought harmonics, I am able to access (or be accessed by) the thought-forms that populate the mind of any particular personality.
Thanks, ants, for your wisdom.
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