Because the music has always existed, and I heard it inside of me so long, and so loud, before i ever brought it into density in this dimension, I experienced it first in its perfection... then felt frustrated when I listened back to my recordings. I couldn't understand why it wasn't sounding the way it did in my head. Even after I had achieved a reasonable mastery of the production and engineering elements, I couldn't understand why what sounded like empyrean symphonic fireworks in my head sounded like toy music in my logic file.
I mixed and mixed and mixed, EQd, Compressed. Mixed again. And again. And again. Why was it never right? Was I just crazy?
Well probably. But that turned out not to be the reason.
After many years, I upgraded my VSTs and software instruments. I had been using Logic Stock VSTs in many instances.... when I got new instruments from top tier instrument programmers, suddenly my compositions took on a seriousness and sonic maturity that had apparently been previously impossible.
All that time I didn't need to make a million mixes. I needed better instruments.
The whole time I was doing everything right... just with the wrong paint.
If only I knew this 14 years ago!
But the journey is what makes life magical. And now, I am excited for everything I am creating! And I am happy with the sound.