When I jump off a cliff, I take the long way down. I didn't set out to become romantically entangled with a cocaine trafficking drug kingpin, but I sure as hell wasn't scared when the opportunity presented itself. I mean, how many people get the chance to live in a real life Quentin Tarantino film? To probe the twisted psychological depths of the Dark Star with all his ego, power and vibe?
And we can't forget the part about living in, literally, piles of cocaine. Cartel-stamped kilos of pure Peruvian Flake. Mother of Pearl. Pablo Escobar shit. Call it what u want. This was as good as it gets. And in spite of the obvious danger to life, limb and sanity, I found the whole thing more than a little... simulating.
But it came at a price, of course. One I was more than willing to pay for the once in a lifetime experience. Some people fork over a quarter million dollars for a doomed submarine expedition. I paid for my thrill ride with spiritual currency. And I paid it straight to the Dark Star... el padròn.
As much as I am a being of light, el padròn was the opposite. Matched in power yet existing in complete polarity, we were drawn to each other in some kind of cosmic-extinguishment potentiality. And I could go head to head with that motherfucker til the end.
FINAL FANTASY tells the story of this collision of worlds. It's a song about drugs, money, betrayal, and coming as close to the EXIT as possible without actually passing thru the gates to the Other Side. In this way it's also a song about survival.
The original working title was Welcome to your friendly neighborhood cocaine pitstop.
Of course it wasn't always friendly.
I had more than one brush with death at the hands of el padrón. He had bouts of mania and psychosis that could last for days. Ramming my car head-on with his car. Smashing my windows and my recording studio with a baseball bat.
But it was all part of the thrill.
As a collector of vibe and experience, I was relishing this one in a million, rare gem of a situation. Something most people could only imagine was literally my day-to-day reality. I didn't intend for it to last forever, of course, but I gave it my all while it lasted. I was living out an adrenaline junkie's wet dream. It was balls to the wall batshit crazy, but also sexy, exciting and full of convoluted creativity and bizarre epiphany.
My channeling abilities went berzerk with so much voltage running thru my blown open chakras. Instead of the radio in the sky being tuned to one clear channel at a time, it was as though multiple channels in many different languages were playing at once, or flipping back and forth erratically. The orgiastic bliss of nonstop dopamine explosions and the speed of thought moving faster than ever gave way to the madness of desperate insanity. What a fucking thrill. Mind fuck, too. But again, all a part of the experience.
There was this massive build up to a looming and seemingly fated spiritual battle set before me and el padròn that felt supernatural in magnitude. It could have easily been a battle to the death. In the end we opened a portal right thru to the other dimensions. It was our own private Armageddon and the biggest spiritual firework show of my life.
Then, after 180 days straight of going hard, full tilt, it was over. Just like that. Spiritual contracts were honored, obligations fulfilled, and I moved forward with a once in a lifetime experience in my hat...
... and one hell of a hangover.
In the first few days of sobriety that followed, I wrote and recorded FINAL FANTASY.
It's been years now, but I still remember dancing with the Dark Star like it was yesterday.... what it was like to stand right there on the edge, where the powers of life and death blur, under the influence of the strange magic that exists right on the threshold of the EXIT.
I'll remember it for the rest of my life, and the next time someone offers me cocaine I'll laugh and pass. Because I'm responsible now. And besides, after the uncut cartel stamped kilos I've gotten used to, your mannitol and baby laxatives would just be a let down.
Music Video:
Putting together this video with practically no budget was a daunting task... but the song has such a strong force behind it that I knew it would come together magically somehow if I just held space for it.
I knew I had to capture the massive gravity of the experience with all the beauty and splendor and sexy darkness. With only a small area to work with, literally about 4 feet by 6 feet, full body shots were technically impossible. This made it so every character had to display their essence without the assistance of body posturing or movement.
A challenge I embraced.
I would have liked to explore each character more on camera, but with a seven day deadline I just knocked it out on the green screen and knew I'd make the magic happen in post.
I searched far and wide to find footage to represent the "puppet strings" in the chorus and after trying a few things that flat out ruined the feeling of the video, I came across Xenie Axamitova's marionette. She looks exactly like me when u pull my hair up, and I got the full body chills when I watched myself as a miniature puppet stumbling around in the darkness.
Couldn't be more perfect.